Random Thoughts

Overheard in a bowling alley: "Don't listen to anything a left-hander has to say."

Congratulations to the Huskers for winning the spring Red-White game.

You ever have one of those days where everything just comes together? You're "in the zone" and everything you do just seems to work smoothly? Yeah, me neither.

I just had a dream where a bartender served me a "blood" beer. It listed the ingredients on the side of the bottle: water, barley, hops, yeast, blood.

The bus station at 11th and O Street is where all the human filth of Lincoln hangs out.

I get upset when the Guitar Hero cover songs don't match the originals. No Aerosmith, that's not how you play "Last Child"

I have a kick-ass imaginary cover of "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" by Pantera in my head. Phil Anselmo can really nail the chorus.

What is love?

I just gave a check to the animal humane society and gave nothing to the hobo who approached me in Shopko. Why is that?

Smitten Smite Smith Smithe Tithe Title Beetle Beer Near Needle Noodle Poodle Kiboodle Kitten Smitten

You know when someone's in a coma and their family is gathered around him saying "he's strong, he'll pull through." Do you think anyone says "pfft, that lazy son of a bitch? He never pulls his weight around the house, what makes you think he'll pull himself out of a coma?"

Nice to drive a Porsche 911 with the top down every once and awhile.

I just ran around my house naked trying to whack a moth with a flyswatter.

I didn't think it possible to have a single, boring dream about a physics exam, an ex-girlfriend, and the allocation of memory in a computer program.

I think "it is what it is" is already the most annoying, useless phrase of the year.

If I have kids, I won't let them use bumpers while bowling. Because it would be giving them the wrong idea about things. There's no bumpers to save you from the gutters of life.

When I have a thought in my mind that I don't want, I violently shake my head to try to get it out.

I'd say I'd save about a half an hour of every workday if I wasn't waiting for blue bars to progress across dialog boxes.

Saw a guy talking on his cell phone in a car with a bumper sticker that read "Hang Up And Drive".

That was the first bum who, instead of asking for money, asked "having fun yet?" I don't completely remember, but I think I replied with an enthusiastic "ohhh yeah!"

I'm psyched, it's pothole season.

Is it a bad thing that it's past February 16th and I'm just now taking down my Christmas tree?

And for lunch, four Dolly Madison mini powdered donuts and a can of Code Red Mountain Dew.

I dig that people pick up sugar packets in far away places just to contribute them to my collection. I also appreciate that some folks take the time to package them in an envelope and send them to me.

I can't believe a registered Beer Snob like myself paid five bucks to stand in line for domestic beer... I didn't even find out what kind it was.

I can't get "John The Fisherman" by Primus out of my head.

I always chuckle when I drive past the five-year-old protester who regularly holds a "don't kill your baby" or "honk for life" sign outside the local Planned Parenthood.

Wow, I just hit my snooze button for three straight hours.

I wonder when I'll come to the conclusion that I should really take my high school speech trophies down off my shelves. It HAS been over seven years since I got them.

I believe I have been chosen to spread the word of the Jager Bomb.

My mind has a mind of its own.

Whenever I close my eyes, I see dozens of Guitar Hero dots.

For those of you within driving distance of an Amigo's restaurant, you must try the Beef Grande Burrito. It's like biting into pure awesome.

Hey Timb, it would be awesome if you would leave me either a URL or an e-mail address. :)

I'd like computers even more if they were infinitely fast, had an infinite amount of storage space, and operated across infinite bandwidth. Then I wouldn't have to code time-estimated progress dialogs.

A single, a triple, and two home runs. Not bad for a postseason game.

Voted today. There were unopposed incumbents for many county offices, so I wrote a lot of my friends in for County Treasurer, County Cheese Inspector, etc. So look for yourself in the voting results.

I offer my most sincere apology to any trick-or-treaters I may have missed when I abandoned my home to buy some Jagermeister at the liquor store. If you come back, you can have a shot of it.

The success of a party can be measured by the amount of crap you have to clean up the next morning.

Thanks Volkswagen! I know when I'm selecting a new automobile, my most important criterion is whether or not I can plug my guitar straight into the car stereo.

Played catcher in softball a couple of days ago. Now my quads feel like they're made of concrete.

I never realized how much I depend on Internet and high-definition television until they left for a while.

Why did this siding salesman even come to my door? Didn't he notice it's a brick house?

I think it's sloppy programming for media players and plugins to have their volume controls change the entire system volume.

Is it wrong of me that whenever I hear tires screeching to a halt, that I almost want to hear a crash afterwards?

I figure the three days of enthusiasm and three days of guarded anticipation will yield about three days of general moping about.

My only disappointment was that she didn't laugh at my Partridge Family joke.

And for dinner this evening, fifteen sauteed shrimp and a quarter-pint of Ben and Jerry's Phish Food.

I find it interesting that a Mountain Dew must list the ingredients and nutrition facts on its label, but a Sam Adams does not.

Why do I keep all the shoeboxes from new pairs of shoes? I'd like to think my grade school diorama career is behind me.

I've got legitimate reasons for rooting against Michigan, but I really couldn't stand the idea of Notre Dame winning.

I feel so lucky to have so many attractive, stacked, and scantily-clad women that want me to be their friend on MySpace. I don't even know them, yet they invite me to look at their private webcams!

Could an office environment survive without the Post-It note?

I find it ironic that of all people, the guy driving in front of me with the NASCAR bumper sticker was the one holding me up by going ten under the speed limit.

I recently saw Nebraska tight end Matt Herion in a Fazoli's. Dude had legs the size of friggin tree trunks.

There's very few reasons why a male-to-male personal phone call should last more than two minutes.

The Minnesota Twins play-by-play guy sounds just like my high school speech team coach.

You'd think that now that it's one of the most popular websites out there, Myspace would do something to stop it from looking like complete ass.

Until this moment, I never really appreciated the meaning of The Rolling Stones' "Paint It Black".

"Big Sky" by Reverend Horton Heat is the perfect jogging song.

I can tell I've been coding for far too long when it seems perfectly logical to end English sentences with semicolons.

And for dinner last night, a margarita and a bag of popcorn.

I swear, any day that I cut my fingernails, there's some freaking task that requires the use of long fingernails.

I'm a total nerd. I just had the words "Lock the Taskbar" set to the tune of "Rock the Casbah" in my head when I performed that very action in Windows.

Whoever named the planet "Uranus" was rather short-sighted to not realize that 13-year-old schoolkids would be laughing about it for years to come.

The snow after the 60-degree weather has confused the heck out of the local squirrels. "Do I store these nuts now? Do I extract them? What the hell season is this?!"

Hear that sound? That's the sound of my NCAA bracket coming back to life! Thanks, UConn!

Hear that sound? That's the sound of my NCAA bracket dying. Thanks, Duke.

Therapeutic at the moment: Singing/shouting along to Blue October's "Breakfast After Ten" at a ridiculously high volume.

Farmers across eastern Nebraska can thank me for the much-needed rain. I washed my car yesterday, and Mother Nature must have noticed.

The song "Sledgehammer" by Peter Gabriel does nothing for me without its music video with the dancing, skinned chickens.

When I open the door to the backyard, my cat always acts like he's going to make a break for it. I know he won't; he's too much of a pussy to actually try it.

Sunny and 60 degrees outside? Perfect weather to go bowling.

I love going to my own website every morning, expecting there to be new content.

I don't think I'll ever tire of listening to Radiohead's Paranoid Android over and over at high volume.

There are few songs better to drive 75 mph down the interstate to than Golden Earring's "Radar Love"

Why are there FAQ sections with dozens of questions on brand new websites? Doesn't a question have to be asked at least once to be considered frequently asked?

If you were choosing a wireless provider based purely on their spokeswoman, could you really choose the one with Joan Cusack over the one with Catherine Zeta-Jones? Didn't think so.

Did I really flip past competitive Scrabble on ESPN?

What would possess someone to want "Meat Loaf" as their moniker?

I feel sorry for any women that happen to be named Katrina right now.

I should start every work day with Bachman-Turner Overdrive's "Taking Care of Business"

I'd say real life is somewhere in between an episode of Full House and Roseanne.

Guess I'll wipe the dirt off the Cubs flag now...

I think I'll just bury my Cubs win flag in the yard.

Throwing Copper is still an awesome album.

_ _ _ _ E R

The irony, of course, is that vain as he may be, the song IS about him.

We are now accepting callers for these beautiful pendant keychains.

Why even make a radio edit version of Limp Bizkit's "Break Stuff"? Didn't someone notice that, hey, forty percent of the song is missing?

Heck yeah my car has a turbo mode. I just turn off the air conditioning and it's as if I've just activated the nitrous tanks.

You know how when you hit your thumb with a hammer and scream four-letter words at the top of your lungs, the pain subsides faster? There needs to be a name for that phenomenon.

Is it a bad thing that I can hum every note of the Dell Replacement Parts Support hold music?

Excuse me, Windows? What part of "Yes to ALL" do you not understand?

Thanks for the e-mail, Jeff! I forwarded it to people.

Computers would be great if it weren't for hardware.

JamLeathers: way back when we were little
Steakeater1337: well when YOU were little, i was a fetus

I wonder if pigeons understand physics.

Even golf becomes interesting to watch in High Definition. Ha! Just kidding.

"If my living will says stuff me full of broccoli and throw me in a fire, you stuff me full of broccoli and throw me in a fire." --Unknown

I can never think of a decent April Fool's prank until about April 5th.

They may call it John Courage, but it tastes more like John Port-A-Potty.

Few things are more frightening than Johnny Cash singing "Bridge Over Trouble Water."

"The last time you, me, and butter interacted, it took three washings to get it solved." -Blaine (to Matt)

And for dinner this evening, a Boulevard Wheat and a piece of chocolate cake.

Dang it, people, a "calender" is a paper-smoothing machine!

Few seats beat the "god seats."

I dislike Visual Basic for many reasons. But mainly because it forces you to use GOTO for error-catching.

"I drank a tray of mind erasers. I drank them all and I didn't die... I'm a hero." --anonymous (Matt)

The key to bowling a decent game is having a Pantera song in my head while standing on the approach.

Ever look through people's photos, but only to see the pictures of yourself? I do it too. It's weird, because I should already know what I look like.

Triscuits with sharp cheddar cheese is the food of the gods.

Apparently dribbling is optional in the NBA.

As it turns out, he's a part of the problem and the solution.

Three announcers on Sunday Night Football is about three too many.

I could really use a gravity gun here in real life. I'd use it to move all the crap out of my garage.

His mother was a mudder?

I'm looking forward to the airline pretzels with great enthusiasm.

There's just something very wrong with wearing a Miller Lite hat to Lazlo's beer school.

I'm going to wake up tomorrow and not even believe it happened.

And yet, he hit that.